Oh, God have mercy. This is so terrible it's probably funny by default. Parody of the MMX3 opening.

The Sky Is Falling

"I knew we should never have trusted that Doppler guy," Zero muttered, pacing furiously back and forth across the hallway in the relief center. Cain was leaning forward heavily on his cane, seated on a rickety old chair and staring, rheumy-eyed, at the far wall.

"Oh, come on, Zero," X grumbled, folding his arms and leaning his shoulders back against the wall, "You were the first one to jump on the bandwagon --"

"Oh, SHUT UP," the crimson Hunter snapped in response, still pacing. "I was trying to make it LOOK like I was cool with the whole thing so I could catch him off guard --"

"Who caught who off guard?" X snorted.

"HEY," Zero yelled back, "don't try to make it look like YOU weren't all hot on the idea, too!" He stopped pacing and pointed an accusing finger at his companion. "I saw YOU sneaking him some of Doc's best liquor after hours just a week before he turned on us!"

X, after casting a nervous glance at Cain, retorted hotly, "Yeah!? Well, don't think I didn't catch you filching my CDs for him to listen to while he was working late!"

"Boot-licker," Zero retorted, sticking his tongue out.

"Brown-noser," X answered, razzing back.

The fight would have undoubtedly escalated, had not the old scientist glanced at them both blearily and mumbled, "I ... I need a drink ..."

"Sorry, Dr. Cain," Zero jumped at the opportunity, "X gave all your best stuff to -- MRRGGH!"

He broke off as X jumped on him from behind, clamping one hand over his mouth, while the other proceeded to smash him repeatedly in the small of the back. Cain observed it all with a sort of sober misery; he was often like that when he had a hangover. He mumbled something that neither of them heard, primarily because Zero was concentrating more on removing his blue-armored attacker, and X was busy expressing his irritation at being tattled on for his transgressions.

"Maverick Hunters X and Zero!"

The pair immediately jerked apart, attempting to look semi-civilized in the wake of their battle, then realized that the voice was coming to them from over the relief center's PA system.

"Maverick Hunters X and Zero!" the voice repeated, sounding urgent. The voice was also female. Visions of damsels in distress danced in the two Hunters' minds, and they listened attentively. "Maverick Hunter Headquarters is under attack!"

"Tell me something I don't know," mumbled X, and Zero jabbed him in the ribs with an elbow.

"Request your assistance in repelling the attackers! Repeat: Request your assistance in repelling the attackers!"

"We're on our way!" X shouted, forgetting for a moment that the PA system was one-way. That said, he charged down the hallway with Zero in hot pursuit. Zero was not one to be out-done, especially when there was a lady involved.

"I want a drink," Cain mumbled petulantly, leaning his chin down on his hands, clasped unsteadily on his walking stick.

The approach to the embattled Maverick Hunter HQ proved a challenge to the pair of worthy Hunters -- at least until X was nearly run over by one of the bug-copters that was launching the attack. Howling curses that someone like X shouldn't have known in the first place, he chased after it and made a flying leap to latch onto the back exhaust pipe. It seemed like a good enough plan to Zero, who followed him and took better aim, latching onto one of the front gun turrets and pulling himself into a comfortable sitting position.

"I love attack drones!" he shouted gaily to X, who did not respond. It took the blond-haired Hunter a moment to notice that his friend was busily at work pounding his one free fist on the back end of the bug-copter, screaming uncouth words about crazy drivers.

"Uh, X --"

X shouted something incoherent.

"X --"

X smashed his fist into the underside of the bug-copter.

"HEY, X!"

"WHAT DO YOU WANT!?" the blue Hunter screamed.

"Well, um," Zero began, attempting to think of a diplomatic way to express the situation and unable to come up with one, "while you were -- um -- busy, I noticed that we're kind of set on a crash course with HQ, and we're rapidly approaching ramming velocity."

"What?" X said blankly, looking rather foolish as he dangled by one arm from a flying, robotic bug.

"I think we should jump ship," Zero rephrased.

"Oh." X paused. "That's HQ we're about to smash into, isn't it?"

"Yeah," Zero said with a glance over his shoulder.

"I think I'll let go now," said X, and he did so, dropping several stories to the ground to land on his armored underside.

He got up and dusted himself off, waiting for Zero to land more gracefully beside him. He waited for several moments before glancing up to see that the bug-copter had indeed completed its scheduled rendzevous with the concrete-and-steel of MHHQ's outer structure. "Zero?" he called questioningly.

From his position on the now bashed-up gun turret, Zero waved at him, smiling a little unsteadily. "Hi, X! I'm all right," he replied pleasantly.

"Aren't you ... coming down?" X asked him, one hand shading his eyes as he stared upward, the other resting on his hip.

"Oh," Zero said thoughtfully, "no, I don't think so ... I'll just stay up here and ... check on the enemies outside, if that's all right ..."

"Okay, if you say so," X shrugged, then waved again and darted inside the Maverick-infested Hunter Headquarters.

Zero stared out at the reddened sky, taking a few moments to enjoy the sunset. It was going to take him a little time to think of a good way to get off of his precarious perch. But since time was something he didn't have a lot of, and his options were fairly limited, he uttered a sigh, stood up slowly, and started to climb.